My kids make me look at them.
That sentence, right there, typed out, seems odd. Unless you have kids. Or more specifically, my kids.
One hundred thousand million times a day I hear the phrase “MOM LOOK!”. It is making me come unglued. Is there ever anything I need to look at when they say this? Of course not.
Nothing. Or something so stupid and trivial that I am at a loss for the words of acknowledgment that I am required to provide. This goes on all day. I can not complete a thought, read a paragraph, do a dish without MOM LOOK happening. Do you know what it is like to not be able to even form a complete thought, uninterrupted, for 15 hours? How about 9 years? Gitmo has nothin’ on this shit. My kids could unglue a Taliban operative in the space of a few hours. They make waterboarding look like a day at the spa.
Sometimes I am reduced to begging.
“I am setting the timer for 3 minutes. Anyone who speaks to me in those three minutes i
s dead will not get a treat at the shop!”
Three minutes. I can almost hold my fucking breath that long. My kids cannot make their mouths stop shouting MUM LOOK for three minutes. It’s insane. And they are on school holiday. For seventeen days.
Let me give you some examples:
“LOOK I HAVE PANTS!”
“LOOK AT MY TOES THEY ARE SO COOL!”
“THE CATS ARE CATS!”
omg. I have the timer set for three minutes. They are now ‘talking to each other’ about all the things they want to say to me. My kids are almost nine and seven. They aren’t toddlers. Am I going to miss these days when they are 15 and won’t tell me anything?