This is Ridiculous Now, England! (with love)

You guys, I have a bit of bitching to do. I am annoyed with the UK today for a few reasons.  I am not even sure where to start, no, actually, I have a pretty good idea. This is me right now:

Yeah, this sucks. Observe all this glory right here.

I am not  even sure if they sell fly-swatters here. I think the bugs are just coming in to escape the heat. It is rapidly cooling off, thank the gods, but it has been proper Michigan Hot here for 2 days. (I cannot even have ICE, hence this post) I did NOT come to England to be hot, people. I came for the clouds. I want them back.

And the other problem is that we have been here for 3 summers now. We are losing our mid-western glow and becoming translucent like the rest of the pasty Brits. This is fine, except now we burn if a sunbeam touches our pale, fragile skin. I can remember laughing at the teachers saying that my kids would need sun-cream for 15 minutes on the playground. In the spring shade.  “No, I swear that they do NOT! Promise!” OK, we do now. Dammit.

Due to this terrific weather, I figured that today would be a good day to defrost the freezer. That’s correct, you heard me right. Defrost.The.Freezer. In 2012, in England, people still do this. I swear that I am not making this up. The last person in my family to have to defrost a freezer was my great-grandmother. In the 1950’s. I certainly have no memory of anyone doing such a thing in my childhood. It isn’t a chore that I particularly dislike, I just find it backwards and surreal. I realize the irony in not having any ice, but a freezer full at the same time. I try to wear heals, rollers, and an apron while de-frosting. It helps me deal.

Upon reflection, though, I have a number of things that are making me thrilled that I live here. This afternoon I took The White Rose to the doctor. They were great, and of course it was free. Then they gave us 7 hundred prescriptions and those were free as well. I cannot express how awesome this is. I would not have been able to afford even one of those scripts. I had the most awesome health ins in america (i mean that) and it never touched the care that i receive in the UK.

I have to say it. I am so freaking thrilled about the Diamond Jubilee. OMG YOU GUYS! SO COOL! ( I promise more to follow on this!)

It not only evens out, it makes me feel bad about bitching. I love it here, I cannot wait until I get my shiny UK passport. Thanks for being my punching bag, England. I love you far too much. Now give me my clouds back.


12 thoughts on “This is Ridiculous Now, England! (with love)

  1. Ha ha ha. Do you know, I hadn’t even thought about not having to defrost my freezer until now! Having said that, I use so little ice that it all ends up clumped into one big ice-burg in the ice-box.

    Last August, we were in England, staying with a cousin in Surrey. They still had duvets on their beds and I swear I thought I was going to expire. My husband, born and raised in the American south, kept getting up and splashing his entire head with water to try to cool down. It was hot, hot, hot. When we’re at my mothers, we sleep in attics bedrooms. Hot air rises. Very hot bedrooms. Too many birds at 5am to leave the windows open. (Am I sounding like a whiney American by any chance?)

    • can i use your quote there ” Do you know, I hadn’t even thought about not having to defrost my freezer until now! Having said that, I use so little ice that it all ends up clumped into one big ice-burg in the ice-box.” for the win?

  2. Ha! You think you have spiders in America….ours are not poisonous, they don’t often bite…but…the bastards can get in your house 24/7 and they are not small!

  3. My sister lived in England for a year and she was surprised at how old fashioned some things were too, but she thought it was worth it !

  4. Bitching about the weather is not only a UK pastime, it is a required part of the Citizenship Test. Welcome, your passport is surely only days away now. Soon you’ll be stocking up on sun cream so strong it will protect you from a nuclear radiation leak, and mastering our in-built cooling system of sitting indoors drinking lots of ice cold beer.
    And tip of the day – look in kitchen supplies at the supermarket for ice cube bags. They take up very little space and allow you to produce our tiny inferior British ice cubes in vast numbers 😉

  5. I could write a novel-length rant about the NO SCREENS issue. We are sweltering over here because creepy-crawly-flying things are not conducive to sleep or, really, sanity. I thought I left mosquitoes (and many other awful insects) behind in the U.P.!

  6. When I was in London, we had a flat right around the corner from Harrods. It was actually pretty nice and quite modern, EXCEPT for the appliances. They were dismal. I’ve only been to England when it was cold (make that freezing). I would have believed it never topped 60 degrees. That’s one thing I really liked about it (coming from cold San Francisco). Now that I’ve read this, I’m in shock!

  7. Amazing blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers?

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