I can’t tell if we are mentally or morally handicapped

“The next person to leave my refrigerator open will have to sit in the refrigerator all day. Am I Clear?”

I actually said this a few minutes ago. Out loud. Quite loud actually. And all of my windows are open. And my neighbours are outside. Sigh. I am sure that they think I am some sort of vile beast.

Ok, as I have a Euro-fridge, neither of my children would actually fit in it. But I swear, I am so tempted. How hard is it to close the door to the fridge? I mean, how do you NOT close it? Neither of my children are mentally handicapped. I think.

Morally handicapped? Well, probably. We had another of those charity pan-handlers at our door again yesterday. (The British have a great word for them. Chuggers. Short for charity muggers. Get it? Hysterical.)

So this time they were collecting for deaf children. (OMFG, what next, blind puppies?) The White Rose thought they wanted money for Dead Children. “we don’t know any dead children, but my gramma is dead.” She says helpfully. Now, a normal parent would calmly correct the errant child and apologise for the awkwardness. Not me.

No, I started to giggle and could not stop. I’m all “dead children hahahahah”. The poor bastard at my door had no idea where to go with this. This made me laugh more. “I’m so sorry” I mumble, “dead children aren’t funny. BWAHAHAHAHAH!”

In the end, I just closed the door. It was the kindest thing that I could do for the poor man.

There is something seriously wrong with us. Then I had to come back into the living room where Manboy was nervously waiting to hear the result of me opening the door. The only explanation that he got was “OMG she said…and he wanted…ahahaha! OK. I’m OK now.”

The BBC has helpfully provided a guide to Brit life in the run-up to the Olympics. Here is a snippet from their advice to tourists:

“The English are British and lots of people think the British are English but that annoys the Scottish and Welsh because although some think they’re British and some think they aren’t and some think they are but don’t want to be, they all agree that they definitely are not English.”

(link here)

OK, thanks very much for that. That was super helpful. I feel so much more confidant in my ability to handle London now. Jesus wept. The person who wrote that needs to just have a seat in my refrigerator.

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4 thoughts on “I can’t tell if we are mentally or morally handicapped

  1. LMAO. – That comment is ridiculous. I like your style re. laughing at the Charity person. I wrote a post earlier in the week about how much it pisses me off that people knock on the door asking for money, even if it is apparently for some incredibly worthy cause. Perhaps more people should laugh at them then they might stop coming.

  2. LMAO, i did not mean to laugh. I mean, i loved it that i did. I mean i should have set a better example. No, you are right, more people should do this. (I am a bad person)

  3. Dude, I know so many people that need to go for a time-out in your refrigerator. Because I am running out of room in my own. I’ll send them right over….

  4. Well if they do insist on violating your home they have to take the rough with the smooth. Mine you I’m dopey enough that I might have made that comment also.
    Least you are fully dressed they keep banging the door and I’m in my nightie or dressing gown either to or from the bath. So trying to look sympathetic whilst not showing my lady garden is pretty tricky.

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