Do you have gravy on your boobs? I am glad I live in the UK instead of the US

I know that I sometimes have a hard time adjusting to life in my new country, but it is a really super place to live. This week I have been hearing stories about how my fellow parents in the USA are getting ready for school by buying tones of specific supplies and trying to get new clothes for the fall. I do not have any of that to deal with. Here is my back-to-school shopping list:

1) pencils (optional)

2) school uniform

That is it.

Read it and weep Americans!

I must get to the gravy bit. This is only for women of a certain size. Size of boob or of body.

I need to know: Can You Eat And Not Get The Food On Your Boobs Or In Your Bra?

I mentioned in one of my earlier laundry posts that My shirts are considered clean if they do not have gravy on them. I mean this. I am unable to eat food and only hit my mouth with it. Almost every meal that I have, some of it will end up on my shirt, on one or the other boob, or IN MY ACTUAL BRA.

I found a baked bean in my bra last week. This was a refreshing treat from the crumbs. A family of ducks could feed from my bra-crumbs some days. WHY? What is wrong with me?

So hot.

Tell me that I am not alone!

In America, all I would get to do is argue. No matter what side I was on. I find this tiresome. Also, Boris Johnson is hot.

In America I would be dying of heat, but buying snow boots for the 3 feet of snow A DAY that was coming. Here? It is almost always Just Fine. 65 degrees damn-near-year-round Baby! Suck it Michigan!

In America I would be worried about my daughter who needs medicine. I do not care what you think. I get great care here in socialized-nazi-care-land.

Please tell me what you are thankful for in your country. And for the love-of-all-that-is holy…

Tell me if you  have gravy on your boobs!

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22 thoughts on “Do you have gravy on your boobs? I am glad I live in the UK instead of the US

  1. Any thinking woman gets gravy on her boobs. Chocolate is even better. How else do we get everyone we know to look at our boobs? Silly girl! Actually, when I awaken some days with a wonky eye (red, runny, swollen, etc.), I grab the lowest cut top I can find. Nobody even notices a wonky eye when you flash a little boobage at them. I took my granddaughter Arianna “back to school” shopping yesterday. (Her birthday is in 2 weeks, so this is a BD present too.) We quit when we reached $250. Believe me, it could have been worse. Give me a uni any day of the week.

    • Hun. I never ‘awaken’ with a ‘red, swollen runny wonky eye’ without £1000 lbs in my pocket. Please.
      ” A thinking woman has chocolate on her boobs” is going to be my first t-shirt. First one to you.

  2. Omg, I remember how the letter from my new teacher would come each summer, sending my parents into a blind panic. We’re talking really specific requests, like a black and white marble Composition Book, *this was REALLY IMPORTANT* number 2 pencils ONLY, wide ruled paper- NOT college ruled. So, we have it easy here, but our cross to bear is THE SCHOOL RUN. Back and forth, back and forth all. bloody. day. In Sept. I’ll have one in nursery (I’ll “pop back” to school to pick her up at 11am), one in Reception (for the first 2 weeks they want us to bring her home for lunch at 12 noon) and one in Year 3. So that is 6 seperate trips I will have to make to and from the school, in one day.

    Re: boobs, the answer is YES. My bra is a TRAPPER KEEPER of crumbs!

  3. I, too, have an impressive collection of crumbs, bits of chocolate and an occasional piece of lettuce in my bra. It’s a food magnet. I should just serve meals on my bra and save a step.

  4. In my country (Canada) I am thankful for medicair. However, I feel a tad envious of the fact that you get your boobs get in the way. So yeah…as a size 32A, having a hard time getting past that 🙂

  5. I am so, so glad it isn’t just me who has to periodically grope down my own front to fish out bits of toast and biscuit from my cleavage! Sometimes I even find something that still looks edible….

    • OMG yes. Have you ever just lifted up the bottom of your bra just to let the crumbs out? So gross and sad. I am so glad that it isn’t just me!

  6. You are my soul sister in the ‘food on boobs’ club! My husband told me he was going to buy me a bib the other day. He then said he’d need one for himself as well, which saved him sporting a black eye to work the next day… Anyway, as a girl of a certain size with boobs of a certain size, I get it. Isn’t it the worst when you take off your bra and find something stuck to the underside of your boob? Don’t even get me started on being a big girl in Japan.

  7. Oooo! Do a post on being a big girl in Japan! Doooo It!
    I find all kinds of shit in there. It doesn’t help that I use my bra as a pocket. I sometimes find lighters, pens, hair scrunchies, post-it-notes….Just sad.

  8. I was once told I couldn’t eat a tic tac wtithout making a mess.. sad but true. Although my tiny milk missiles aren’t gonna get in the way of a grain of sugar, I’ll still find a way to get it in my bra.

    • Word. The first one with boobs of a smaller size to admit to this incredible act of grace!
      This seems to me not limited to just me! But when I mention it to anyone I get THE ODDEST looks!

  9. OMG … How declasse… here in Canada, we wouldn’t trifle with common ‘baked beans’ in bras…. something more upscale like lightly seasoned and steamed adzuki beans maybe.

  10. I am also grateful to live in Britain. I have several healthcare problems and I know I can rest easier knowing that getting them sorted isn’t putting me in lifelong debt.

    As for the boob issue… I used to have the same plight. My gigantic sweater puppies would gather food like some kind of magnet. I solved this by using my boobs as a shelf/table when I’m around the house. They balance the plate well and any dropped food just goes back on the plate. In a restaurant we’re not so lucky, it’s every boob for herself.

  11. I can honestly say, M&M’s may not melt in you hand, but they sure as hell will melt in your bra!!!! I usually end up pulling bit is my meal out of my bra. (Bread crumbs are they worst, they itch!) I probably have pulled a full 3 course meal out of my bra, over my life time.

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