Why Can’t They Shut Up? The Stream-of-Conciousness Summer

I was lied to. I was told that children do not develop an ‘internal dialogue’ until six or seven. You should expect non-stop-sharing of every passing thought until they grow up a bit. I did that. I listened to every thought that they have ever had for almost nine years.

My ears are tired.

My oldest, Little Stormbringer, never stops talking to me. I am sure she does sometimes, like when she is sleeping, but it seems like she has been talking to me for past four weeks non-stop.

I have begged. I often bribe them. ‘Anyone who can stop talking to me for 5 minutes will get a treat at the shop!’ I have bought craft stuff and toys. I have rented movies. I have got new games. I have taken them to parks. Yet…They NEVER STOP TALKING TO ME!

MOM! Mum! Mummy! Knock knock! MUM! blah blah……

Seriously? I spend most of my time trying to get people to leave me alone. I have never needed non-stop attention. My oldest just wants to feed off of my very life-force every got’damn minute that she is awake.

As I said in this post:

“She needs to possess my soul, squeeze out it’s meaty juices and devour them with her never-satiated heart-hole. It’s excruciating.”

My mother used to spend an hour every night playing with me. And then she would read me a book at bedtime. The rest of the time I fucked-the-fuck-off and played with toys and shit.

The thing is, my kids almost never have anything interesting to say. None of it matters. It is all just made of crazy. The greeting that I got this morning, before coffee happened, was: ‘Do baby owls like muffins?’ OMFG. I only have like 7 brain cells left. You are taxing my wee head. It is now late afternoon. I have completely lost my shit. I gave Little Stormbringer to Manboy and said ‘she is yours for an hour.’ and to the blabbermouth; ‘this is your grown-up for the next hour. Do not come near me.’

This kid is nine years old on Monday. She should be able to… I dunno…do something for half an hour without talking to me??? No?

I have never loved anything as much as I love her, but the sound of her voice is making me come unglued. This precious hour is going to be great. I am willing to bet that Manboy will be a mess at the end of it though. BLAH BLAH BLAH question question question. LORD, that child is tie’some! Deliver me!

I know hope that I am not the only one. Do you have any strategies that work, or are you as brain-sad as me? Comment as loud as you want. I can take it.

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20 thoughts on “Why Can’t They Shut Up? The Stream-of-Conciousness Summer

  1. Have you tried doing it back to her? “Hey SB what you doing?” “Why?” and repeat.
    May not make her stop but may make you feel better if it ends up irritating her as much as it does you. Evil I know but hey sometimes you’ve got to get your own back when your a parent.
    Mind you it’s not only kids my Mum doesn’t have an internal monologue either I spent years trying to tune her out when I was watching my favourite tv prog. I resorted to “Um” “Yep” just short one word answers that screamed out to normal people “I do not want to talk to you right now”.
    So anyone know how to deal with parents as well? Would the same solution work for a 60 year old that would to a 6 year old?

  2. It’s the same here. My eldest is not so bad, she will busy herself with her endless notebooks (wants to be a writer like me!) and books but my four year old is the worst. Non stop chattering. Taking her on a bus ride: “Mummy, look there’s a bus. There’s another one. There’s a car. There’s a blue car. There’s a red one. Mummy, look, houses.” (It’s a 40 min. journey into town) I’ve just about “Mm-hmm” ed myself out. There’s only so much you can take. Nothing works. She doesn’t even nap. And she wakes up at midnight on the dot and continues to talk some more. I love her with all my heart but I’ve had to be adamant about having ME time, at least 2 days a week. I get out for a couple hours and write. That helps keep me glued together! 😉

    • Oh god, mine do that too. Today I have been assigning chores whenever they bug me too much. I think that they have got the message!

    • I am so tempted some days, I will not lie. They call it ‘gaffa(r)’ tape here. I have no idea how the real word is spelled. That is just how they say it.
      Today I just dolled out super hard chores every time that they bugged me or got into a fight. They have got the message. They are playing nicely! Amazing what an hour picking rocks out of the garden will do!

  3. All my kids talk a lot! I’m knackered. The Queenager has talked non-stop since she came out. She started talking at about 11 months, by 18 months was speaking three and four word sentences and was once heard saying “When I run out of things to talk about I just keep talking and then something usually pops into my head!”
    The youngest (now 9) brings smiles from strangers when we walk home from school because he never takes a breathe. And – he talks about Star Warry things that I haven’t a clue about. Quite frankly, I tune most of it out and then he catches me with “Well, do you or don’t you?”, and realises I’m not even listening. Not that it stops him…

    • Oh. I am not sure if I should be horrified or relieved by this. I have always heard that they stop talking to you in their teens. Just when they become interesting, they clam up and you are left wishing that they would talk to you!
      So…no then?

  4. Both of my kids make noise ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. And my two year old only speaks Muppet, which is highly unintelligible. I’ve taken to listening to Pandora radio on my cell phone with earbuds jammed into my ear canal. I’m pretty sure I’m up for that elusive Mom of the Year award.

    • OMG yes. I tend to have one earbud in on the side that my oldest is talking to. it makes um hum and uh huh sound convincing to her. Yet I do not have to have my ears broken all day by her constant chattering. You have two of these chatterboxes going all day? I shall remember you in my prayers.
      I have one who will occasionally do a puzzle or play with dolls of those damn LPS things.
      I have found that hard labour tends to deter them.
      “oh HI! I have been waiting for you, I need someone to weed the garden!” and…bye-bye kiddies!

  5. Give them a job that they can do with you, You will get the job done sooner or she leave you alone so she goesn t have to help. enjoy your time with them now, they grow up too fast and dont have time for you and you will miss this…I know you can’t imagine this but it does happen. Imagine you mom miss you and the kids alot! Happy Birthday Little Stormbringer!!!

  6. I have no solutions, just complaints. My daughter will be 11 this week and she NEVER, EVER stops talking. Tonight it is, ‘mom, lets play Skip-Bo, want to play Skip-Bo, mommy, do you want to play Skip-Bo’…but she is at least making her oldest brother laugh. He told her to shut up so she turned to me and said, ‘It’s about to go down, Mom, hold my jewelry”. Her dad just yelled at her to settle down. Which made her quiet for about a minute. Then it was right back to ‘mom, mommy, mummsy, mom, mom…I’m sure you get it…

    • Oh god, i hear your pain.
      BAWAHAHA ‘ hold my jewellery’

      Should I teach that phrase to my kids or no?

      mumsy?MOM? mum? MUMMY?mum? KNOCK knock rutherfordium. (this is how my spell -check does Mother Fucker. )
      RUTHERFORDIUM! do not cross me. *sniff*
      ah..I’m ok now.

      • LMAO @ RUTHERFORDIUM! Shouldn’t a girl always learn to take off her earrings/rings before getting into a brawl? Oh this girl. She has issues with her brain/mouth filter, so it gets pretty interesting. I probably enjoy it more than I should as her mother.

      • This is just silly now. I have spent the last half hour giggling while Manboy is trying to watch some serious WWII shit on tv. He is all…’yeah, that gun/tank/weapon was cool because…’ and I am all… RUTHERFORDIUM! bwaAHAHahaha ha ha.

  7. My son has not shut up since he uttered his first word. I have recently discovered that if I’m completely blunt with him and tell him that I canNOT listen right now, he’s fine with that, but he keeps talking anyway. I don’t think he always needs me to listen, he was just born without an off switch (or a volume control, but that’s another story.)

    • I do this too. ” mummy! do you want to see/read/hear/look at what I have just done in the 20 seconds that you were not looking?”

      no

      mummy LOOK

      no

      MUM!!!!
      (sigh) what?

      nothing mumma.

      *argh…..

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