I’m back, and I am Never Leaving the UK again. (the top seven things I hate about living in the US)

I just spent three months in America. I am here to tell you that I am never going back. Holy Crap, America! You suck even more than you did when I left! Get your shit together! Here are my top seven reasons that living in the US is awful and impossible.

GUNS

They are everywhere. All of the time. NO REALLY. I stayed in a super-posh suburb of D-town and still…everywhere. Boom, boom, crack, boom, bang! If you are not hearing gunshots you are hearing sirens. It is a mess. Even the kids have them. I had to call my children inside because…brace yourselves…one of the kids had A GUN on THE TRAMPOLINE that my kids were playing on. Read that again.

NEWS

There isn’t any. You get local news, and I kinda miss that, but actual news?  There is none. I made a joke about PSY meeting Ban Ki Moon and not one soul had any idea. “ya’ know? he is, like…in   charge    of    the UN…no? no. ok. ”  People in America are just ignorant about the world. And they don’t wanna be. They want to know. But they do not get to. It is stupid. (Pay your License fee and shut up Brits!)

SCHOOLS

My kids got to go to an American school for three months. I think they came out dumber than when they went in. NO REALLY. My kids were  at least two full grades above in everything. They delighted the teachers. My kids were horrified by the way that the students and the teachers acted. So was I. American schools=full of Assclowns. I shit you not.

POLITICS

Nah. No Sir and No Ma’am. I was in the US for the election and I am here to testify that the whole thing is level-crazy. The only way I was able to deal was to stay off facebook and hide under a box’o’wine and/or a table. You have no idea. Give me anyone from Eton to vote for and i am FINE. I am actually amazed that only a few people were killed during that mess.

TRANSPORTATION

You can go Nowhere in the US on foot. I mean this. The first month that I was there I tried to walk to the shops. I gave it up for several reasons. There are no pavements/sidewalks. You must walk on a gravel shoulder and hope to live. One of my kids was sick at school and I was powerless to go and get her because the silly mile walk was impossible. I had to wait for someone to drive me. Not just that one time but every time that i wanted to go anywhere.  (for three months)

NATIONALISM

While I am happy that my kids know all of the “Fifty Nifty United States” and the Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful and This Land is Our land and The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the Pledge of Allegiance…Jesus, you guys! America has taken Nationalism and ratched it the fuck up to 11. I was embarrassed several times. I am American and I grew up there and I was still embarrassed by it. WOW.

STRANGER DANGER

I used to think my mum was a bit crazy when she freaked out when my children were not in my sight or within my reach. Not anymore. In the US kids go missing all the time. Every day, and not just missing, not just runaways or parental disputes. JUST GONE. Every damn day. I am not exaggerating. America has a BIG problem with kids ‘going missing’. In the UK my kids can walk down the block with a reasonable expectation of getting home safely. Not in the US.

I am going to write about all of the things that I love about living in The States. I am going to expand on many of these topics. I still love you America! I had to get some of these things out because I am so glad to be home in the UK.

I promise not to ever leave the UK again, and I promise that I will bring the funny back to my posts soon!

Got anything to tell me about living in the US or the UK? Would you choose differently than I did? Tell me what you think.

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4 thoughts on “I’m back, and I am Never Leaving the UK again. (the top seven things I hate about living in the US)

  1. I hear you! The transportation thing has had me frustrated all month. I returned to the US to sell my car (and vote and such) before heading back to Europe and selling my car has left me terribly stuck. I tried to walk to my spa appointment and ended up on a major roadway without sidewalks, walking in the gravel. Eventually, I had to call a cab because there was just no way to get there without killing myself.

    And I hear you on politics too. Terrible stuff.

  2. UGH! I know! A five minute walk to a shop took 10 minutes and my shoes were full of stones! You run the risk of being run off the road, run over, or shot at. This is so disappointing!

  3. Yay! You’re back!! Everyone always asks me if I’d like to go back…truth is, it isn’t home anymore. Sounds like it’s changed even more than I thought. My mom went back recently for a visit and she said everything is so IN YOUR FACE! *Subtlety* is lost on most Americans. Guns…so scary. I recently had a FB conversation with some American friends and I the “freak” because I was the only one who said “guns are bad.” Sometimes feels like I don’t know my own country anymore…or maybe I’ve just grown up. Tough livin in England does that to you, you know!

  4. I’ve always thought it a bit shameful that my husband is in the US military, we live in Japan, and I’d rather raise my children there than in America. Both of my sons will graduate from school in Japan, but our daughter will, more than likely, have to finish school in the states. It’s still a few years away and we are already discussing home school for her. We are in the states for the holidays right now. Luckily, my parents are in a very small town and it’s relatively normal.

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