OK, England, you are super silly now. I humbly offer my help.

I have been home long enough to complain now. You have issues, England. I am going to help you through this difficult time.

I have written about UK weather here, here and also here, but what I have not done, is explain the basics. I shall do so now.

*deep everlasting sigh*

OK..so there is this thing called winter. In the northern hemisphere it gets cold from November through March. Occasionally, in the winter, water falls from the sky. If it is cold enough, this water might freeze on, or above the ground. This is called Ice and Snow.  It happens. Every year. In the winter. If you are from the UK, please go back and read that again because I am SURE that you don’t get this.

I understand that snow and ice in the UK is a ‘rare’ thing. In the south of the USA, snow is also rare. I understand if you are surprised and possibly stranded. This is totally fair. What is NOT fair is for the third biggest airport in the world to be closed because of a snowflake. Heathrow airport is huge and it is the only way into London, never-mind the rest of Great Britain. It is now closed .Because of a snowflake. FAIL

The BBC helpfully reported that they have 500 people on snow removal. Five HUNDRED people. Five hundred people were not enough to remove a snowflake from the main airport in the worlds best City. For shame.

(it is a wonder that JFK, La Guardia and O’Hare even operate at all. gheesh.)

*Epic sigh*

I had to walk into a store last week and return some horse burgers. Yep, you read that sentence correctly. Apparently, buying 8 hamburgers for one pound means that you have no idea what is in said ‘burgers’. As an American, I was expecting worms, lips and assholes, just like what we get in the USA in our delicious bologna and hot-dogs. NOPE. What we got was almost 30% horse. Horses. Neigh, I am not down with that. Do I look like I am French or something?

The honest reason that I had to return the horse burgers? It was not from a place of honor or of morality. Nope. It was because Manboy said..”I know you. You could keep them and feed them to the kids. But then you would get silly and be all GUESS WHAT YOU JUST ATE! BWAHAHAHA and that would be bad and then you would be sad about it and the kids would cry. Return them. ”

So yeah. Please, England, keep it to lips and assholes of animals that I normally eat.

So just to recap; snow happens, horses shouldn’t.

I love you England, stay classy.

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13 thoughts on “OK, England, you are super silly now. I humbly offer my help.

      • OH God I wish I could like that comment more than once!!! Beg me all you like woman, on your knees with pleading eyes if you like, but I WILL NEVER EXPLAIN IT TO YOU! (Because you are an unfathomable engima and that’s the way I like you)

      • OH and I INSIST you come and join the twitter. The twitter is better than the bookface. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

      • you. awesome manboy says the rigger boots are the kind you where when doing rigging/plyons. yes?
        I gift you with 10 camels, two internets 3 cats and a very happy mermaid. Also a centaur. Because I can.

        EDIT:
        I have to add, with many regrets, that I thought that this nice Sir’s name was size4Niggerboots. So i called him out on it. he responded faster than i could hit my DELETE while manboy was all…that says Rigger (you dumbass is implied)

  1. Mmkay, so, a) now I look like a twat for my comment which fawns over your comment which was AWESOME (even though you misspelt my name by one letter, which I could just about give precisely one nanotenth of a fuck about, if that) and b) I’m no sir…. you HAVE figured out who this is haven’t you?? *sigh* HINT- I wear the rigger boots when being all salty and nautical. MWAH! xxx

      • SHHHH woman, Delete my name immediately please!

      • *sigh* if I wanted everyone to know my name outside of fb, I’d use my name outside of fb :p

      • You special but I loves you. Give Manboy a hug from me too 🙂

      • Totally will do. He is chastising me for my foolishness and also laughing at and with me. Yey! xoxox

  2. KK there you go! One should not go around saying “guess my name” i have a name of Niggaboots!LOL1!!1
    if one does not want to be caught out.

    you are foreva named ‘niggaboots’ because WE LOVE YOU

    you are welcome.

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