When it snows in England this year, Just blame the Badgers.

I love England, I really do. I sometimes can not get my head around they way things are done here.

The White Rose tonight said; Mumma? Why don’t we have a Kohls? And why do they spell it coals here?

That is a damn hard question to answer.

Uh, a Kohls is a store/shop and they have parking and things people want to buy and credit and a p..parking lot and…

Coal is something that you burn to keep warm.

This is how long that I have been here. I actually think that COAL is something that HEATS your house. I think that is what I put in my radiators. And this is not far off.

Energy is so expensive here! My Boy Gideon  (George Osborne) is trying to fix this. *sniger*. Manboy says that he is ‘The Chancellor of the Exchequer’ for you Americans. Like this will make any more fucking sense. I rather fancy him, just like my 15 year old self fancied Henry Kissinger. “Power is the Great Aphrodisiac!” Whatever.

So anyway I was in a MC Donald’s today and this is what happened:

I have 3 kids on the high-street and one of them will eat nothing but McCrap,

so the other two and I agree to let her get McCrap and then eat it on the way to a real restaurant.

The line was out of the door and the mass of bodies around the ordering area was  like a mosh pit.  I was really tempted to get out my phone and take pictures of this stupidity, except I could not move my arms. I did, however, activate my timer. 42 minutes. 43 minutes from when i got in line and then got fed up and then decided to time our wait in line. 42 minuets, in line, in a fast food joint. Are you kidding me England?

The only reason that i was in this line was because Little Stormbringer will not eat foods.

Then after 23 minutes, she says ‘ lets play patty cake mumma!’

I refused. She then played patty-cake on my boobs. On My Actual Breasts. This is unacceptable. But she went ahead anyway.

Let’s just re-cap here. I am waiting in this line while The White Rose and Wraith Child slowly starve, and you want to slap my boobs to entertain yourself. Fucking fantastic.

I finally got out of there and walked the mile or so the the restaurant that the rest of us wanted to go to. Before I could even sit down with my well deserved glass of cool and refreshing wine, the food had arrived. Less than six minutes I am sure. So is pub food really faster than fast-food? OH YES!  IT ALWAYS IS!    Good times, England.

I still have not purchased a dryer. I probably never will. It is just so hopeless. Though I did exchange a few tweets with the author of this article that I reference every time that I despair about appliances in the the UK. I really need a new sofa (or whatever it is called here) but I just saw an advertisement that said, that if I order it today, they might be able to deliver it my x-mas. I SERIOUSLY HOPE SO! Damn, buying anything over here is so hard and full of fraught!

Also fair warning, when it snows this year it is because it is winter. I am not responsible for it (for once) and It will be cold. So g’on and get yourselves a jumper and some wellies and some blankets and some cat litter and maybe, just maybe, a shovel or a snow scraper.

it’s probably the fault of someone else this year. I mean, we cant have vermin infecting our herds can we? I offer that freely as a metaphor for what ever social situation you like! *cough cough!* I passed my TB test y’all!

Now I just have to pass my ‘I AM ALLOWED to stay in the UK test’. Wish me luck because, for all my complaints, I never want to leave.


I now have a new otter and my life will be forever awkward.

My girls are about to enter the awkward state of life where everything sucks. I was reminded of this by the young men that were at my house this afternoon.

I run the kind of home where all kids are welcome, anytime. I regularly have one or two extra  in the AM before school,  and up to five in the afternoons. This is great. Some mums work and this lets me keep an eye (and a quiet ear) on all of the goings on.

Some of the children were on laptops and chatting about the social life in their school. Then one of the kids says ‘yeah but Starle had it BAD in high school! HEY! remember the time you got beaten up on your 13th birthday?’ (his mother is one of my friends, I might have shared a few stores in earshot)

Yes, yes i do.

‘And then you got wee’d on?’ Cue much nervous laughter from all of the kids. Yes, how could I forget.

‘And then there was that boy that spit on you every day and then when you graduated he told you that he had always fancied you?’

Uh, yep, got all that memories too, son.

‘And that girl that was always bullied and then you stood for her in your last year and everyone thought you were great even though they worked actively for your daily embarrassment? That bit?’

YES. I REMEMBER. But I am glad that you were listening.

Meanwhile, the two kids who had not heard any of this were RAPT, and staring and a lot of whispered ‘really?’ happened.

It kills me a bit inside to watch my kids enter the pre-teen stage and then go forward. THIS IS SO HARD FOR THEM. Once I made it to 17 I began to grow and learn and be happy, but, fuck me, 11-17 was fucking awful.

None of this was my mothers fault, and what my kids are dealing with is mostly not my fault but it is so, SO HARD to watch them enter into the abyss of adolescence.

I would do it all again ten hundred times to spare them this, but, that would be wrong because one has to pass through the hell-fire of Niflheim to come out awesome on the other side.

I will fight with tooth and nail to make sure that they make it out of this. They will come out educated, mature, unharmed and socially responsible. But it is going to be a huge challenge. I have faced so many hard things in my life, but this one scares the shit out of me. This counts, this is important, and this one..I only have some control over.

And this is the most important fight that I will ever fight. I have to be strong, and knowledgeable and calm, and witty and give spiritual guidance and keep everything together and set a good example and fight the good fight and show them the way.

Most challenging quest ever.

But I did get my otter today! It will make me happy every day!

Even on the kind of day that I go to the shop at 9am and then knock a car and fall over and then  I get up, and the alarm sounds and I freak and fall over again. into a puddle.

But I have my otter. Some kinds of solace you only learn with time.

(Hey Manboy! Thanx for the awesome Otter that came today! Perfect!)