When it snows in England this year, Just blame the Badgers.

I love England, I really do. I sometimes can not get my head around they way things are done here.

The White Rose tonight said; Mumma? Why don’t we have a Kohls? And why do they spell it coals here?

That is a damn hard question to answer.

Uh, a Kohls is a store/shop and they have parking and things people want to buy and credit and a p..parking lot and…

Coal is something that you burn to keep warm.

This is how long that I have been here. I actually think that COAL is something that HEATS your house. I think that is what I put in my radiators. And this is not far off.

Energy is so expensive here! My Boy Gideon  (George Osborne) is trying to fix this. *sniger*. Manboy says that he is ‘The Chancellor of the Exchequer’ for you Americans. Like this will make any more fucking sense. I rather fancy him, just like my 15 year old self fancied Henry Kissinger. “Power is the Great Aphrodisiac!” Whatever.

So anyway I was in a MC Donald’s today and this is what happened:

I have 3 kids on the high-street and one of them will eat nothing but McCrap,

so the other two and I agree to let her get McCrap and then eat it on the way to a real restaurant.

The line was out of the door and the mass of bodies around the ordering area was  like a mosh pit.  I was really tempted to get out my phone and take pictures of this stupidity, except I could not move my arms. I did, however, activate my timer. 42 minutes. 43 minutes from when i got in line and then got fed up and then decided to time our wait in line. 42 minuets, in line, in a fast food joint. Are you kidding me England?

The only reason that i was in this line was because Little Stormbringer will not eat foods.

Then after 23 minutes, she says ‘ lets play patty cake mumma!’

I refused. She then played patty-cake on my boobs. On My Actual Breasts. This is unacceptable. But she went ahead anyway.

Let’s just re-cap here. I am waiting in this line while The White Rose and Wraith Child slowly starve, and you want to slap my boobs to entertain yourself. Fucking fantastic.

I finally got out of there and walked the mile or so the the restaurant that the rest of us wanted to go to. Before I could even sit down with my well deserved glass of cool and refreshing wine, the food had arrived. Less than six minutes I am sure. So is pub food really faster than fast-food? OH YES!  IT ALWAYS IS!    Good times, England.

I still have not purchased a dryer. I probably never will. It is just so hopeless. Though I did exchange a few tweets with the author of this article that I reference every time that I despair about appliances in the the UK. I really need a new sofa (or whatever it is called here) but I just saw an advertisement that said, that if I order it today, they might be able to deliver it my x-mas. I SERIOUSLY HOPE SO! Damn, buying anything over here is so hard and full of fraught!

Also fair warning, when it snows this year it is because it is winter. I am not responsible for it (for once) and It will be cold. So g’on and get yourselves a jumper and some wellies and some blankets and some cat litter and maybe, just maybe, a shovel or a snow scraper.

it’s probably the fault of someone else this year. I mean, we cant have vermin infecting our herds can we? I offer that freely as a metaphor for what ever social situation you like! *cough cough!* I passed my TB test y’all!

Now I just have to pass my ‘I AM ALLOWED to stay in the UK test’. Wish me luck because, for all my complaints, I never want to leave.


7 thoughts on “When it snows in England this year, Just blame the Badgers.

    • I don’t fancy his policies, but, I dunno, he’s kinda cute! Remember that I was 15 *fifteen* and thought Kissinger was a bit sparky.
      I think Manboy is just a bit jealous. HE went to a fancy-schmancy school and wore a top hat and HE Isn’t Chancellor or the Exchequer. Manboy has a really hot wife, so its all good.
      I would totally love to party with Gideon! I *do* know that this is wrong and I am a freak. (I bet he has one of those little tiny but extremely wiry boners…eeewww)

      • Okay, this comment led me to some dark places. It made me wonder whether such a thing as George Osborne fanfic existed. There are some very strange people on the internet, having some very strange thoughts about Osborne and Cameron, and now I feel like I’ll never be clean again. I blame you of course for making me start my day by thinking about Gideon’s dick.

    • OMG that is kinda cool. I don’t think I will ever get that out of my head, thanks for sharing, lol. I love this idea! But i think a post called ‘what strange old man did you fancy as a child’ would make for some VERY awkward reading for all of us.

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